Dear JC

who is god?

i've been reading and watching movies pertaining to religion.

i suddenly think, if i knew my faith and my religion that well, i probably would not have reason to doubt god as well as the way he works.

i believe in the existence of god yet i have questions in my head that builds my doubts.

will those who had not been believers, be not saved? i mean those who were philosphers, those who had either failed or chose not to believe in the existence of a divine power, will they be saved?

is it possible to change the fate, the destiny, or whatever you call the path that god had chosen for us? does he really guide us to our own chosen path or does he choose the path we would take?

if we are born individually and made individually, why give us the sin that adam and eve committed? they are different from us, right?

why give us free will if that would lead us to sin?

i still have a lot of question yet i do not want my faith to be stirred...

My April 9th

itz been 2 months since i confided my feelings.

and itz been a great 9th of april 2008 for me.

uhuh uhuh...

we texted almost the whole day...

aun lng...

per0 masya na yun para sakin

kasi mahal ko siya

:D
ahihi loka loka na ako

Challenge

"life is a rollercoaster. after all the fun, swiftly, it's a challenge again. if she loves u too, i'm letting u go. i'm not kidding. i love u so much but i don't like to risk my friendship with her. this isn't easy but i will choose my friend over u"

i hate this feeling.

shockz.

butterflies in the stomach.

does she love him?

if she does, is it right for me to let go?

aii nku. i've never loved this way before pero kung pareho kami ng mahal, i'd rather let go. i would never risk our friendship dahil lang we love the same guy.

well, i'm not sure yet if she just likes or loves him kaso kasi she doesn't know i already love him. she doesn't know that i confided how i felt to him.

about him, i am not quite sure how he feels. bakit kasi hindi na lang niya sabihin? bakit rin kailangan kung kailan halos wala akong tool and time for communication (walang cp, nagloloko ang pc, plus busy pa sa paglilipat ng bahay) tsaka pa may ganito?

i just don't know how to tell him that i would let go if my friend really likes him.

i don't know also how to tell my friend that if i am in her way, i would be willing to sacrifice for her.

ang gulo at ang sakit. good luck na lang sakin.

sana walang masaktan... sana huwag akong masaktan although i know that's impossible.

Building Doubts

sabi sa feng shui and chinese astrology book na binigay ni daddy sakin swerte daw ung love life ko for april. pero bakit i can't feel any luck coming towards me?

no communication with him.
buti nga pinapatext ako ng ate ko. kung di niya ako pinapatext wala talaga totally.

i don't see him.
oddly, kung kailan bakasyon tsaka di ko sya nakikita. well, how can i see him when i'm not even allowed to go out? it's so unfair that i am only allowed na makalabas kapag may bibilhin and still i don't get any chance to see him.

i am getting nervous with these instability and uncertainties.
yes. i think we are too unstable. it's not that i want us to be stable as in maging kami. i just think since i don't know kung gusto niya ba ako or whatever, i have so much doubts and so many questions in my mind.

I LOVE HIM!

that wouldn't easily change. kahit na wala masyadong communication, hindi kami nagkikita at maraming tanong na hindi nasasagot, di pa rin ganun kabilis na nawawala yung nararamdaman ko. of course i don't want na magsalita ng tapos so as to say that the feelings would never change pero i don't think my feelings are that shallow para mawala na lang agad.

sana lang, things would get better.

because...

I BaDLY MiSS HiM

Finding the Meaning

i don't know what to type exactly pero nagulat lang ako kasi...

featured friend niya ako sa fs

at ung shoutout niya about sa

meaning? meaning? meaning? ????

well what exactly is this meaning?

i'm not sure if i use the same words but the "meaning" is from this:

"i love you not because you are good-looking, not because you play the guitar, not because you have lots of assets, but because you are "you." when i chose you, i wasn't the studious kid, the industrious student or the s.g vice president, i was just "me." let's not care about the eyes that stare or the lips that gossip. let's just be "you" and "me."

sabi ko aside from the quote itself (that i made ;p), there is a hidden meaning...

that's what he has to find out before i get my cellphone back :D

---i will miss you---

gone

this is it.

ayun na nga. my cellphone is gone.

hay... grabe. kagabi halos wala akong tulog dahil nag-aalala ako sa cellphone kong hindi nagchacharge. as in i didn't even know whether i should sleep already or not. alalang-alala ako.

one month.

one looooooooooooooooooooooooooooooong month akong walang cellphone.

papagawa pa kasi sa service center mismo ng alcatel.

well, i could live without my cellphone. of course, that is for sure. however, thinking about losing that cellphone for a month means having a bit of shortage in communication as well, right?

hindi lang sa friends ko, siyempre pati na rin kay teardrops.

i wonder what will happen to us???

Fast and Okay

3/22 00:28
Sender: kate

xncia n ang selfish q pra xbhin un, pra xbhing magstay k nlng. sarili q lng iniicp q. cnu b aq pra makialam s dcixi0n m db? sori. wag m nlng pncnin ung msg q knina.

My Friendster Shoutout:
I'm sorry because I was selfish. I was only thinking of myself. {don't ask. you know who you are. yes, itz u.}

3/27 20:25
Sender: teardrops

ui wag mu intndhin un., aus nga un eh n22wa aku kc kht ppnu yaw mu ku umalis hehe un ln ndi mu kylngan mag reply ngbkas kc aku ng frndstr tp0s tngnan ku ung sau geh un lng gud eve..

I wasn't expecting his text message. I wasn't expecting he would read my shoutout that fast either. I posted my shoutout last night and since alam ko na hindi naman siya madalas mag-open ng friendster niya, akala ko matatagalan bago niya mabasa yung shoutout ko. Medyo marami pa namang nagrereact dun and although that's the case, i didn't plan to change it unless he reads it. at eto na nga, nabasa niya agad and he immediately texted me. ewan ko ba. naparanoid na naman ata ako at bigla na lang akong nagtext. thank you lord, ang bilis mong pinabasa sa kanya. thank you din po dahil hindi siya nagalit or anything.